I don't know what I am doing wrong, but I am definately doing something very wrong!!!!!!!!!!! The only men who are ever interested in me are old enough to be my father. This man I work with, he is a very sweet guy and as a friend I love him to death but not only is there an age difference we work together, and I have learned (the hard way) not to get involved with someone you work with on a daily basis!!!! Besides if I had to find another job I don't think I could, seeing as how I still live here. anyway "RG" said some very very sweet things to me the other night and made me feel very guilty. I have since decided however to be mad about feeling guilty (easier to be mad than guilty) After my last realtionship I finally realized that I don't want to be guilted into anything, it never works anyway! The problem is I don't want to be afraid to go to work see him but I am already uncomfortable! I HATE THIS! I am trying to figure how I get myself into these situations and how I can stop (unfortunately I am not gettting very far)
On another note my daughters father never did answer her (suprize, suprize (ya right)) And then people wonder why I am so cynical. Maybe I'll just go hide under the covers.
My daughter wrote her father today. She is 8 and has really never met him. I don't know if I want him to answer her or not. It would surely be easier for me if he didn't but I am not sure what is in her best interest. Since it is really out of my hands I shouldn't worry (she mailed it so if he does not answer she won't wonder if maybe I didn't send it) but I can't help but feel anxious. Either way I am afraid of her being hurt, but in reality I can not protect her from everything, and perhaps sometimes the protection causes more hurt than the actual hurt would. Isen't it fun not knowing what to do.
Does true love exist?? I used believe, I don't think I do anymore. Don't get me wrong I want to more than I can possibly explain but when I look around (my life included) I don't see any. Maybe it does exist and we are to cynical to see it because we have been hurt to many times? Maybe it is just a fairytale (most likely) Maybe we quit looking too soon because we are desperate not to let it pass us by and thereby doom ourselves to relationships that are destined to fail. Maybe we look to others far to often to make ourselves complete. Maybe I am just lonely and disillusioned!
So I just moved from a major metro (or semi, anyway) area to the middle of nowhere, or what I lovingly (or not so) refer to as the twilight zone. Well maybe just is not completely accurate! It has been less than a year but feels like forever!!! People here are so backwards it is unbelivable. From a distance it seems almost quaint, unfortunatley once you are sucked in there is no returning!!!! As for being backwards I used to take the fact that I was single for granted (as single as you can be with 2 kids) but here it seems like they marry the children off right out of high school, or before, not much hope for me left! So I was in school full time until the move and while they are colleges around here they don't even come close to my degree. The one and only radio station plays church services (I lost count of how many, and I work there) on Sunday and to quote one of the minsters "knowledge is the root of all evil" I am beginning to think there is no escape!!!! I miss starbucks, dept stores and the wonderful scent of exhaust from the car infront of you as you wait for light to change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !
